Amazing conversations

  • He always catches me when I'm making dinner. What's the plan today, dear housemate. Pray, tell me. Go to Berlin? Finish Uni? Go to Berlin (sorry, go "back" to Berlin). No, start a business. Start a business in Berlin. Go to Uni? No, go to America. Actually, Europe. So many days, so many changes to the life plan.
  • Housemate: I've decided I'm going to go to America.
  • Me: Oh, cool.
  • Housemate: Yeah, I've decided to go somewhere without a language barrier this time. I want to have amazing conversations.
  • Thankfully I was peering into the cupboard at this point, and able to bite the insides of my cheeks while trying to visualise something sad enough to stop the fit of uproarious laughter about to break out of me. I'm so glad these amazing conversations are going to happen in America. Or, Berlin.

Dress up

  • Me: Are you going out tonight?
  • Housemate: Yeah, I've got a few invites for tonight, but I'm going to a house party in *** ***. It's dress up.
  • Me: Oh, what are you going as?
  • Housemate: Well, I'm going as a True Blood vampire.
  • Me: So you hardly have to dress up! You can just wear... whatever.. ?
  • Housemate: Yeah, I hate dressing up. Some people love it but I always end up feeling awkward. I just hate looking awkward.

Anonymous asked: You know how much it costs to fix brakes... at most 6 bucks and an internet connection, 30$ at a bike shop....your housemate is hilariously hipster.

I could stick the bloody thing back in myself, I’m sure! But then he’d have no excuse for driving everywhere. Bah. 

Common people

  • The other day, my housemate came home all fidgety and clearly bursting to have the ‘hey, how was your day?’ conversation. He’s decided to start a new business.
  • Housemate: I’ve got a business partner now! *smooths back hair* We just had our first business meeting!
  • Me: Oh, cool. That’s awesome, congratulations!
  • Housemate: Yeah, she’s got financial backing from her family and stuff, they’re really rich, and she’s been wanting to do something like this for ages.
  • Later that night, after inspecting a potential location for their business, his business partner came over. We were introduced and I asked about their plans.
  • Housemate: Oh god, no, we’re not that far ahead yet! I mean, god, we haven’t even got finance or anything, we need to make a business plan..
  • Me: Oh, of course. But.. ok.
  • Housemate: We’re just starting. I hate those people, you know, those people that whenever they need a huge amount of money, they’ve just somehow GOT it?
  • Me: …
  • Housemate: You know, like that song, what is it, ‘Common People’?
  • Me: …
  • You didn’t just say that. Oh, wait, you did. And like the other bullshit that you spew forth, it wasn’t sarcastic. Oh, and now they're sleeping together.

Hipster sensibilities

  • My housemate recently gaffa taped (“Gaffa tape, every musician’s best friend”) his plug in iPod speaker to the front of his bike. This is the bike that sits in our hallway collecting dust and spiderwebs, that has been taken out of the house on all of about 3 occasions since we moved in. Each time to a party, where it was left, and collected by car the next day. It’s a lifestyle thing.
  • On a sunny Sunday afternoon recently, my housemate announced that it was a perfect day for riding around with his mini boom box and lying in the park.
  • Me: Yeah, you haven’t been riding much lately, it’s a good day for a ride.
  • Him: Yeah, the brakes on my bike are broken. Didn’t I tell you about that? I’ve sunk so much money into my that thing.. it’s vintage. That’s the problem with having pretentious hipster sensibilities.
  • You said it.

I just have to get out of the suburbs

  • Now it's no longer me. My other housemate bears the brunt of my hipster housemate, arriving home from work an hour or so earlier than I do, each day. I'm now blessed with his conversations, as well as my own.
  • Hipster housemate: I need to get out of Melbourne. I can’t stand suburban Melbourne.
  • Housemate 2: What are you talking about? When do you ever go into the suburbs?
  • Hipster housemate: Oh, I had to drive through them the other day.
  • We live in an inner suburb, where everybody rides bikes, wears raybans and wishes they lived in Williamsburg. We are gentrifiers. This is not suburbia. For the love of god, THIS IS NOT SUBURBIA. If you can't handle the fact that you're a mere 20 minute drive from the suburbs, not even Berlin can save you.

Imagine if you had a PC

Housemate: MacBook Pros are really the only option. I mean, imagine if you went to a cafe and brought out a PC! You just have to have a Mac.

Imagine being the kind of person to actually worry about what other arseholes writing poetry in cafes think about your laptop brand.

tumblrbot asked: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

Well, Berlin, of course. Berlin and Williamsburg.

Housemate interviews and HBO

A few months ago, we were interviewing for a new housemate. Writing the ad and showing people through the house was a painful insight into exactly how important various inane things are to this guy. We couldn’t have anybody who liked pop music, because god forbid someone likes that shit and actually listens to it. One day, we had an afternoon with back to back interviews. Housemate changed his outfit three times that day.

On our ad, he was the ‘musician/student/barista’, which was great when people asked who the musician was, and what he plays. “Oh, you know.. just like .. I’ve got a few projects .. nothing really at the moment..” Ha ha. Fuck you.

You tend to develop a bit of a spiel, showing people the house, the rent, we’ve got a washing machine, don’t mave a microwave, etc. This was my personal favourite part of his spiel.

Me: So it’s $xxx per month, and a bit extra for internet. I think we worked it out to be about $5/week or something like that? (look to housemate) It’s great though, really fast, ridiculous download limit that we’ll never reach…

Housemate: Yeah! It takes like, 20 minutes to download a one hour HBO episode!

… No. It takes “like, 20 minutes” to download an hour of TV, arsehole.

Vintage shit and a fashion blog

  • Housemate: Something amazing happened today! I realised that I might actually LOOK like a hipster, or at least be like.. mistaken for one! So I'd just finished work, and bought some polish for my new vintage shoes, from that vintage shop on Smith St, cause I want to be all Mad Men. And I was crossing the road with, you know, my hipster bike, and this guy was like 'oh, can I take your photo for my fashion blog?' At first I was like 'oh cool, someone likes my style!' but then I was like 'oh, god.. '
  • I actually heard this little snippet twice. Once as he told me, and then again, as he told my other housemate. The best part was how badly he pretended that this wasn't the greatest validation he's ever had in his life, and gratuitous use of the word 'vintage' in such an IRONIC way, you know?